My suggestion is that by doing everything in moderation – mastering both small talk AND deep talk – you maximize your chances of making a deep connection with the greatest number of people. I couldn’t possibly make that sort of deep connection with every other person I meet because 1) it would be exhausting and 2) it has not been earned.
I’m definitely not saying that this is a good or better way to be but I am hoping to offer some food for thought.
I’m only telling you the same thing I would tell anyone, male or female, in any situation: is your methodology effective or ineffective? Because it doesn’t matter if you like it or if it resonates or if it makes sense to you.
If you take it out for a spin in the real world and no one is responding to your desire to get intense from the get-go, well, then, maybe you have to adjust and find a middle ground that works better.
And that’s the irony of the title of the piece “To Fall in Love with Anyone, Do This.” By forcing intimacy, you create the conditions for a deeper, better, more memorable date.
You see the humanity inside every man, and get beyond the general biographical patter that dots most early dates.
I just work from 9-, play with my kids from -, eat with my wife from 8-9, and after that, it’s TV, or fantasy sports, or a book by Jonathan Franzen or Donna Tartt. And while these folks are being honest and teasing me, they have a very valuable point. Being intense and going deep absolutely has a place in the universe.
Long story short, it’s dangerous for me to comment on a book I haven’t read, even if I suspect that I’d agree with Page on many things in principle. Long-term relationships can’t be solely based on common interests and great sex.
The first serious girlfriend I ever had (which was, for me, a 5 month relationship during my senior year of college) taught me this lesson herself.
I had waited so long (21 years) to find someone to love that within 2 weeks I was wondering why she didn’t love me back.
First I want to thank you for all your great work and insights.